Searching for Grace

One Thousand Gifts lay on the counter, full of God truths and available for time in the quiet and the waiting. I was packing a quick bag for the hospital after a health scare with Mr. Abear. Praying for the best and knowing all would be well, just not knowing how long until results would be known and news would be told.
I didn't really want to bring this precious tool, book bound into bacteria ridden hospital. Stain something so valuable with filth. But I was compelled, how else would I spend time? I opened the book and read aloud, about a mom struggling to find grace in all moments, the ugly ones when her own face turned impatient and could hold it in no longer. I saw my reflection in the words. 
How to see God as good in all things, in beautiful ugly, in stain and sadness and hospital beds, in grief and loss and failure. How do I speak thankful in the moments that sour the soul? I'm learning to look at all things, hopefully. I'm learning to look at a God Who is in control, and give up the charade of thinking I can hold onto anything at all. There is hope in all that has been ordained, there is hope in letting go and holding on as Jacob did. 
Praise God for books that help me no longer feel alone, for people who are willing to write them, and for hospital rooms that give me more time and less excuses to get close to the One Who waits patiently. 

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